Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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