never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So squirting runs in the family.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize