Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
