she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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