I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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