She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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