Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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