Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
