google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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