Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
