How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
