If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I checked into jail on foursquare
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
