fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
