so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
