I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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