She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The struggles of a small town man whore
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
