Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
