What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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