My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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