just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
