VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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