i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize