I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
