The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
