Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
