i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
