Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
