and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
