I think my fart just growled at me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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