hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
