A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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