oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
