We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
