Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
