yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And then he peed in my hair
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