Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
