My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
