we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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