You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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