Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
