All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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