With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
