I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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