I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't notice because vodka
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
