we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
