I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
