Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
