I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
