It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
