So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize