Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
