Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
