goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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