I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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