dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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