I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
