don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
