why didn't you poke me back
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
