i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As shirtless as possible
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
