bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
