They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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