Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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