as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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