Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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