why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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