And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
