I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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