if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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