yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
