smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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