life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
