shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
