Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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