You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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