I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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