i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have fence marks all over my body
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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