Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize