Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
