I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
