So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
