My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
