I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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