I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
