Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
