soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
