I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
