is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
