what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
