Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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