Cold hands, warm shart.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
