dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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