party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
