Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
