So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
