I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
