I wanna bring you to show and tell
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
