Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
3 2 1 whiskey
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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