Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
