i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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