remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
